My dysfunctional story

depression_by_swiniaki.jpgI am sitting on my bed thinking if I should write this blog, if I should put my personal life out there.
After having a very difficult night in a long time, I figured I need to get the words out of my mind and I don’t think many people read this blog anyway also this is my personal blog, my diary. If I don’t write it here, where would I.
I believe this is not one thing that is affecting my mood but many small and big things. Past few weeks have been extremely hard for me to stay focused. I have skipped one of my morning classes constantly four times while I laid on my bed awake, staring at the top of my bunk bed. I had a test in that class and I did horrible. I had marked an A in that class and now I don’t know anymore. I have another class which I am struggling with but I am oddly satisfied with the learning, it’s just on test my mind goes all crazy and I overthink but since I am understanding the material, I am not too sad about it. My economics class, giving me a very hard time as well. I do not like the grading system in that class and it’s very hard to stay focused. I studied for a whole week with all I had and yet failed the test. She curved the test, assuming a lot of people did badly as well.
This probably will be the first time in Texas State I will have C, first time I will not be in Dean’s list. While this may come off as arrogant or you could just roll your eyes at this, but this is my measure of happiness. There’s really not that many things in my life give me the sense of accomplishment.
I grew up with extremely low self esteem. Being arrogant or showing off your achievements has always been frowned upon. You have to be humble, but you know how little kids become extremely confident? They show off their new toy or how well they did in class? My parents tried very hard to not make me become that kid by always telling me I wasn’t good enough and in reality I wasn’t. I got into first grade in a school after going through an interview exam. My dad told me to pack my clothes. He said, “if you don’t get in, pack your clothes and leave the house.” I cried and packed my bag because the test was extremely hard for me and my dad told me immediately after the test that he was sure I failed. My parents were obviously joking and today it’s a fun joke they tell sometimes. It was also the time when my brother was born. He wasn’t a very healthy child so my parents spent a lot of times taking care of him. I was 6 years old when he was born and I felt all the attention was going to him and now if I don’t get into the navy school I have to leave home? My parents probably would have laughed and still do when they are told about how their behavior could affect their kid’s psychology.
They posted the grades on a particular date (happened to be my birthday) outside of the school on 3 different boards with names. A being the best scored kids, B is average scored kids and C being the barely passed kids. My cousin who was staying over at our house to go to college took me to see the result.
She looked at Board C first and my name wasn’t there, then she looked at Board A and my name wasn’t there. It was extremely crowded, so she figured I didn’t get in and we were heading back. I was crying. On our way, we met her friend who forcefully took us back to the results and found my name on B board. I was happy that I didn’t have to leave anymore.
I started reading from a very early age. I would go to my neighbor’s house on Fridays to pick up the newspaper because on Friday the newspaper used to publish a kids section. I read any and every book I got my hands on. When I was 7 started reading a very popular Bengali author named “Humayun Ahmed” who was very popular among young generation. My cousin who was attending college from our home would always have a new copy of his book that she bought or borrowed from a friend. I would read whenever she wasn’t home. I would wake up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom to read the book. Reading any book outside of textbooks weren’t encouraged and given that author talked about love, relationship, human mind, philosophy.. it was very inappropriate.
I was cute until I was 10. After that the cute chubby little person became disgusting teenage body and I was awkward and embarrassed of my existence and so were my parents. My mom would not take me to the store ever because I would embarrass her and I couldn’t count the number of time we bumped into my dad’s coworkers who would say, “that’s your daughter? looks nothing like the mother!” My mom would smile at that compliment towards her and we would walk.
All of a sudden I was being judged on what was I wearing, how odd my body looked, how awkward I was. It didn’t bug me as much because I was going through a romantic period. You know the period where you haven’t fallen in love yet, but you listen to romantic songs on radio and read the books and imagine how you are going to meet that person? In Bangladesh it’s very hard for a guy to talk to a girl. It doesn’t happen often in public since everybody knew each other where I lived most of the time it was just staring and smile situation and after months after months they approach you with a note or something sweet. Phones weren’t so common back then and only guys in college had them at that time. I know it sounds very silly now, but keep in mind girls were getting married by 18 and they are expected to act like an adult as soon they turn 12, so if you are not being a romantic by 15 when are you going to be?
Fast forward, we moved to US. I was living with my uncles and to me the excitement was as if there were Christmas everyday. We lived in a different city in Bangladesh and would visit my uncles once a year during Eid-ul-Fitr (equivalent to Christmas celebration) and for those 3 to 5 days we stayed over there, we weren’t expected to study or take timely naps, and were allowed to have some money to go buy something from the shop. So imagine my excitement when I got to live with them for months. But it didn’t go exactly how I planned. My cousins who I thought was my friend was pretty mature and she felt I was a competition of some sort, thus began the humiliation in front of other people. Acting as my guardian and making rules for me. My parents were too busy making a livelihood and didn’t care enough about this “kid-fighting” Slowly the relationship between them and my uncles got sour as well. We moved.
My mom would tell me how my cousin never leaves the home and does everything for the home, while I just wanted to go and hang out with friends.
I fell in love with someone I am not supposed to. Love is a forbidden word before marriage and given he did not fall under the criteria of a possible daughter in law, my life became hell.
I became the biggest disappointment in my parents life. I am not pretty, I am not home-bound, I am not well behaved and willing to meet and talk to people whose first comment is always about my body or how I am not being Bengali enough.These only pushed me away from being with people who knows I am expected to live and behave in a certain way.
My mother is depressed. She doesn’t talk to anybody now because I brought shame to my family. I got called from her clinic the other day because she refused to take medication, and she stated that her reason for sickness was me. She called me yesterday saying, she believes she is going to die soon and somehow she makes me feel guilty that I am the cause. She cries when I tell her about any of my accomplishments, saying, I didn’t let my parents be part of my achievement. It’s not up to me to make them feel proud, I can only tell you what I did, but I can’t tell you to cheer for me. It’s your job. Don’t blame me that I somehow stopped you from cheering. Then their statement somehow becomes how disappointed I made them. I can rarely keep my cool anymore, I get very emotional and then I burst out crying saying “It wasn’t my job first to become a good daughter, it was your job to become good parent first” And then they tell me, “we’ve given you everything you wanted” and I become speechless.
My mother creeped into my room at 2 in the morning and said prayer over my head for an hour and blamed everything on God. I woke up horrified and screamed at her. I spent the whole night hearing her cry from the other room.
I don’t know how to fix this. They not even once consider what that does to my mind. They have never supported me with anything and make my journey as hard as they can. What am I expected to do as a human?
I know anybody here will say that I am not a failure or it’s not my fault. But this is hard. I know I haven’t done anything wrong, but I need the assurance from them. They won’t leave me alone. We fight. I stop talking and few days later she calls me crying and my heart breaks. I feel guilty. What do I do? How do I get away?

How do I become numb?

My car stops in the middle of the road sometimes, I am in an urgent need of getting it checked or buying a new one. My phone screen went black yesterday. I have no motivation to go to classes. I started an internship that I really like and I really want to do a good job, but I feel as if I am failing. It all comes together and I feel as if I am drowning…



I don’t believe in karma!

12946805_1024433474268858_657582552_oIt’s been awhile since I posted anything. I realized that my life isn’t all that interesting and nobody is going to listen to me talking about my uninteresting life. Then what’s the point of talking correct?
Well, sometimes it’s just good to talk to yourself on the internet and imagine tons of cheerful people on the other side are mesmerized by your take on life. It’s also a good and somewhat healthy way to procrastinate as I should be studying for my Business Law exam right now. I am highly caffeinated right now and need to talk about some weird philosophy so I can calm down and go back to studying.
I don’t believe in Karma. Well, what I mean by that is that, I don’t exactly believe in the you get what you do system. Let me explain that in detail. Since we were little, we were told, if you are good, you will be rewarded. Now the reward system, definitely varies on your parents, and often time the reward was purely mythical such as “if you go to bed, we will go to Mickey mouse land and play with daffy duck.” I even used that on my little cousins, hoping they would forget about it when they wake up or I could just say we did go to Mickey land and she forgot about it. Statements like, “oh! don’t you remember when Tweety bird blew you a kiss and gave you a yo-yo?” Surprisingly they would act along with me and venture on their imaginary land. I mean come’on now! we were in crowded Dhaka where Mickey mouse is only available on TV or by the footpath vendor for 25 cents.
I went off track. Sorry about that! My point is that we grow up with the reward and punishment system just to feel good! Oh, she stole my lunch, karma will bite her back! when in reality she might get in trouble in the future for something completely unrelated and I accept the unfairness by saying she will get her punishment someday. There’s nothing wrong with this as it’s completely nonviolent. But as we grow up and we see the same people can always get away with doing the bare minimum and praise for their work, while others can work their bottom off and still don’t get recognized. We see that every single day and then we get depressed.
Shouldn’t we be taught to do good things because it’s good, instead of what comes from it? Shouldn’t we cherish that special feeling for making someone happy or doing a something good for the world? For being productive?
I do believe in combined result though. That is, if we all try our best to be good to each other instead of being a smart mouth all the time, or just trying to point out other people’s flaws we probably can make the world better. And saying I will be good is one step closer to that mutual goal. It is way more effective than telling someone they are wrong. Don’t tell someone to pick up the trash they threw onto the street, they might do it, but they will hate you for putting them on the spot, people are defensive by default. Just go around them and pick it up. If they see, it they will probably get embarrassed, but wont make the same mistake again. If anybody else see the whole thing, they might change too!
Lately what I have been doing is whenever my blood starts rushing and I write a whole essay on humanitarianism on a Facebook post, I try my best to go back on to that comment and delete it. One less chaos into the world and my view is still intake and those people will grow up.



Disclaimer: This post does not take away my right to say “that’s karma for you” to my friends, family and coworkers.


Today was a good day

Growing up I have always seen my mom put her hair in bun few times a day and the way she did it left me mesmerized. She didn’t use any hair tie, ribbon, clip or anything and in my tiny brain I couldn’t figure out how she does it. I tried tying knots in my hair but it never stayed. After many months of unsuccessful attempt I told myself only adults can do it. It somehow became the symbol of being responsible and an entry gift of adulthood. Few months ago when I kept zipping my hair in the backpack I realized it was time to master the skill of no accessory hair bun. The secret is to have very dull hair, the kind that you have 1 day after shampooing or when you come home from a walk through a foggy street.

That’s not the only thing that reminded me I was somewhat adult (and I promise it has nothing to do with my coming birthday this January) I had lunch with two of my favorite teachers from high school. They are the most amazing people I have ever met. Quite frankly, I don’t know where I would be if I hadn’t met them. They infused loads of confidence in me and pointed me in the right direction. They were always very kind and I felt very comfortable around them. I would take my lunch up to Mr. Blackwood’s class, even when I didn’t have him as my teacher. I always loved how everyone hung out in his room, students that never had him would come to class and ask lollipops from him. On Fridays he would bring brownies. Mrs. Wasiak has always looked out for me outside of just the class curriculum. She has told me about different opportunities that I should take and I did take them and so grateful I did. I enjoyed her classes and I remember she was the first one to introduce me to spinach and cheese ravioli (I am not sure if it was ravioli or tortellini, but it was some sort of spinach and cheese stuffed pasta) that she brought into class. It’s one of my favorite. I love them and can not explain in words how wonderful it was to catch up with them. I hope to keep in touch with them.

Another note on doing the adult thing, I am itching to do a project for few months and while I was in school, I said I would do it when I don’t have school and now that I don’t have school I couldn’t think of one useful and easy to do project. If you don’t know already I am getting my own apartment this coming summer and since it’s not a student housing apartment I will need to have my own furniture. I don’t want to make a bunch of big purchases so after carefully thinking I decided to remove a few items from my shopping list. As a student it is very useful to have your own writing desk. An area dedicated to studying. But knowing myself, the only place that I study the most is on my bed. I do not like sitting down in one place for a long period time and it seemed like a waste of space to get a writing desk. I know we would be getting a dining table because years of eating on my bed while I watch cooking videos led to too many dirty bed sheets, overeating without acknowledging and no quality time with family and food. And since I am not going to have a party or people over constantly I could just study on my dining table, but it didn’t seem right to store my books and other stuff on it. I still wanted the dining table to have the traditional dining table appeal. So, I started hunting for my options and after few hours of searching, drinking a gallon of tea and munching on crabs I decided on a small kitchen cart. I could roll it around from living room to bedroom, bedroom to dining room, dining room to the balcony and yeah of course in the kitchen. It’s small so it takes less space, I could put all my books and notebooks on the shelves and I can put my pens, scissors and other school supplies in the drawer.
It was a little hard to find something that did not look very much kitchen cart-y and weren’t expensive. So I bought a cheap kitchen cart and decided to spray paint it white. So this is currently what my floor looks like, I will post another blog post when it’s done to show the final product.



Overall today was a good day, getting some project done, meeting some of my favorite people and a very relaxed day.


I am very tired lately

The best way to win an argument is not to have one. We don’t earn a big trophy saying we won an argument and I am really interested in knowing how many times in internet history someone had a huge argument with people they didn’t know and at the end they said “You are right” and acknowledged their defeat. I bet the percentage is very small. The thing is that I know; I know people who loves to be rude or say something just for the sake of sounding smart will never agree with whatever the hell you are trying to prove. I know that. I know that often times they will end up taking the argument to a different direction or talk about how you look, talk about how funny your name is, talk about your religion, nationality. I mean, I did study the fallacies of argument, but someone who clearly picks out a thing just to be nasty doesn’t care about that. I thought this break would be wonderful. I would sink into my bed and read all the books that I have acquired (I counted, I have yet to read 23 books that’s currently in my bedroom)

I ended up being on social media most of the time. I found myself crying over the refugee stories posted on Humans Of New York and strangely found myself arguing over people who thinks Muslims are terrorists or how bad the religion is. The thing is I am not a super religious person and I am not going to claim myself to be a 100% pure Muslim. But what I do know is that there are different measure of extreme in this religion. According to my family and a 80% of Muslim population that I know a religious person would be modest, they would not raise their voice, they will be lovable, they will not gossip, they will say prayers, they will cover themselves properly and so on. While I agree the Muslim dominant countries are very corrupted I also would like to point out that “religion” is the most effective weapon of all. Government in those countries knows the easiest way to take control over people is the fear of going to hell. Prestige and respect is a huge thing in Islam and the Islamic rulers takes advantage of it (Not just Islam though, many religious leaders). I remember my dad arguing with one of his childhood friends on our dining table over Bangladesh government. Bangladesh is corrupted. The uncle (My dad’s childhood friend, I called him uncle) said “well the Islamic party should have taken control over it” and my dad replied, “You mean, the people who killed and raped thousands of people, helped Pakistani army to kill Bengali soldier during the independence war?” Uncle replied, “we would be much better off if we were part of Pakistan”

I could tell you all about what is wrong with his argument, but what is important is that he is blinded by the religious accessories they put on top of government. The person running for Islamic party had a slogan that said “if you want tickets for heaven, vote me.” I will let you decide how stupid that statement is and how exactly they manipulate poor and helpless people. My point of this post is not to defend any of them. My point is, the more we argue the more chaos we make. It seems like everybody is on a mission to sound smarter than the next person, to be better than the next person. “My religion is better than yours,” “my race is better than yours” and I am tired of this. What do I earn from pointing out a stupid, irrelevant topic on a cute video of a cat playing. Why can we not enjoy things, but rather want to be the center of attention and point out, a completely different thing to compare. Why can I not listen to Taylor Swift but also have to argue how Beyonce is so much better in her album and much better celebrity. I mean she probably is but why is that relevant in Taylor’s music video? Why in a civil right’s post some white person gets offended for not having the center of attention? Why people compare Bible and Quran when Bible had the luxury to change with time and Quran didn’t? Why do I have to constantly prove how “american” I am when I am paying my way through college and you get to enjoy unemployment benefit, child benefit selling weed. I do not care how you make your money, but I would care if you blame me for your problem. If you blame me for risking your luxury.

Anyway enough of my rant. I do not want to end this post with such heavy words. I am just a little bit of sad because I cancelled my study abroad trip to Cambodia. It was a very hard decision. After careful consideration, I realized instead of spending so much money on a month of study abroad, I could take two summer classes that will reduce me one semester and it will free up my next summer when I will finally be able to travel somewhere and volunteer without the pressure of study.

The only cool thing I have done in this break is going to the trail of lights. I also came home to jilapis (also known as jalebi) and I used my last dining dollars on chocolate croissant.


Shredded Garlic

Happy Turkey Day! Hope you had an amazing, tummy stuffing holiday. For me, I came home from work with a fever and terrible unknown back pain. I feel very bad for thanksgiving for some reason this American holiday seems a little cursed apart from the tragic event that led to this holiday but also how this holiday is right before finals and do we need to talk about black Friday? Not judging you for getting that thing you got waiting in that long line, because I totally did too. My mother had been crying for a toaster oven because it’s energy efficient plus she hates how every time she has to take out all the pots and pan she stores there (Have I mentioned how smart she is about every little household things, or is it normal?)

So we went to Walmart and jcpenney to get a toaster oven and I also got a slow cooker. While I was waiting in the line, I was thinking how good it feels to have the financial freedom to want something to buy? (Not literally buying, because come on now! My dad never gave me a small loan of 1 million dollars) but knowing I could dream about it makes me feel a lot better.

I remember growing up not having any choice over what I wanted. My parents have always been very big on saving money, so instead of cheaply made sparkly hot pink backpack I had a camouflage backpack, which would hide the dirt. Mind you, I was not in Texas so that did not make me really happy. My parents told me the sparkly ones break in a few months and sure they did, but I thought that was a good thing, I mean they get to buy a new one with extra cool stuff and they did too. My dad has always been smart about making purchasing decisions, my mom? Sorta… sometimes it’s hard to argue with her when she is set on going to the other Walmart 25 minutes away because they might have the 3$ cheaper toaster oven. She also sucks just a little with American cooking; After discussing for two and a half day we settled on instead of me wanting to cook a whole turkey, I will cook a whole chicken and she can cut the turkey to make curry. I brought all the things needed to cook my herb lemon garlic-y chicken.



^^ Okay I know that’s not the prettiest looking chicken, but trust me it smelled good and I blame the knife to for not being able to chop the herbs finely. I stuck half of a lemon and some garlic cloves inside too.

After baking it, I put it on top of the counter and went back to my bedroom to read “the curious incident of the dog in the night-time” (Pretty hooked) and I fell asleep.

I woke up to find very well shredded chicken on the table and my baked chicken was nowhere to be found. Turns out my mother had taken the extra step to lower my workload. I was pretty upset for not being able to take a nice picture, but maybe was more upset to find whole garlic cloves in my bite. I asked her, “Did you take out the stuff from inside the chicken?”
“Well, I made a salad with the leaves (herbs) and squeezed the lemon juice on top”

[rolls eyes] “and what about the garlic cloves?”

“What? I didn’t see any”

The cloves were juicy and blended with shredded chicken. I tried my best to pick them out.

Oh! Forgot to mention! I got a french press and coffee grinder, my room smells pretty divine now🙂




Confession Of a Foodaholic

Last night while I was having my second dinner of the night, I was thinking who was I supposed to become? 

I was supposed to be this girl who in a dinner party would nod right to left and say in a cutesy way “oh no thank you! I am stuffed” 

But I find myself more often walking around the kitchen shamelessly and sometime aimlessly after dinner and asking “ummm… Is there any snacks?”

Don’t get me wrong I do like to think I will become healthy eater. One day I will find salad delicious. I will find a favorite vegetable that I can’t live a single day without. I will feel sick by the thought of having rice more than once a day. I love to think I will become one of those some day. 

But in the mean time I find myself sadly looking at the empty plate and thinking how awfully good it would look with some delicious Mediterranean rice and kebab or maybe some fried rice? Mmm carne asadas sounds good too! 

I just wish my so much of a big appetite could somehow be related to having awesome cookery skill. But it haven’t so I find myself on top of china hill eating chicken fried steak soaked on orange sauce  



Cleveland Friend

  In my philosophy class today we talked about an interesting topic called “Cleveland Friend”. That’s a friend you get when you are in Cleveland. You are in Cleveland and you are in trouble, do you have a friend you call who will get on the plane to help you as soon as they hear you are in trouble? 

I am not talking about significant other but a friend who you do not owe money or who is not there to get any help from you. Do you have a friend like that? I do not. 

It’s sad. But at the same time, are you a Cleveland friend to someone? Will you do that for someone at any cost? Would I do that? 


This week is rather depressing. Finals are coming up faster than I hoped. The weather has been crazy it seems like  there’s a flood alert every weekend from now on and I just want to crawl into a bed and read all the books that I got. I can’t start reading them because they feel like a commitment and if I start reading it you bet I won’t be studying for my physics test.

I am also very excited about my study abroad to Cambodia. I know it’s like 8 months away but how do you sleep when all you are thinking about “I am going to travel to a new place! Eat different food! Experience a new culture” 

The only scary part is that I just broke my savings to pay off all my credit card debt. As of right now I have no debt other than student loan. I am going to have to pay 700$ for my car insurance next week. (I pay it once for the whole year to save money ) it’s least likely I will be able to save up for my trip. My estimated budget is about $5000 to have a comfortable trip. I am hoping for scholarships to atleast have some of it paid off. Just a bit stressed out about how to pay it without being in debt since I am also getting my own apartment next year.  I hope it works out. I was planning on working on some side jobs but they seem very time consuming. I wish I was good enough writer to earn money through writing blog or creative.

Hope your week is going well.



Life can sometimes make you very very vey unhappy

Do you wake up one day and remember something happened a long time ago and it makes you feel very angry and just wants to make you go back and punch that person on the face? It’s probably been too long and no need for you to do that but you just can’t let that go from your mind no matter how hard you try? Well that happened to me today. I was already stressed about two tests coming up on same day. I had a very long 12 hours shift and it was also a game day plus weekend, so we stayed busy the whole time. I was tired. Out of nowhere I started crying like a crazy person. I miss myself. I can’t remember the last time I was jumping up and down excited, or cried my eyes out because I felt loved and happy. I am not saying I am not loved. I know I am loved, I know I am happy. But sometimes… sometimes everything seems to go wrong. You come across people who constantly put you down for no apparent reason and you can’t seem to figure why do they not like you. You come across people who loves pushing words on you to show their authority or to sound smart.

I remember the girl I used to be. I used to go to the rooftop of our 5th story apartment building and look at the ocean. I used to sing songs to the crows and imagined that they probably would discuss “the funny human creature” they saw today during dinner conversation. I remember the girl who would call and hang up purposely to her friend when the favorite song would come up on the radio. Because, phone calls and text messages were too expensive.

I remember in winter we would go visit my grandma’s house and everyone would make vapa pitha (also known as idli, it’s a steamed snack that’s made with rice flour and sometimes coconut and palm sugar stuffing) If we were lucky we would also have fresh palm syrup.

Then I come back to reality. I have to make enough money to get by, to save up for an apartment, to save up for some kind of emergency accident and also paying off student loan, make sure I keep my grades up otherwise everything else is wrong. I kind of enjoy the stress and business that comes with it but sometimes I get tired. I am always expected to keep doing something. I am way behind as far being social goes, I haven’t had time to explore the inner adventure self of mine yet. I am just waiting for this coming month to be over and go home for winter break.

I didn’t want to mask my sadness because everyone has bad days but to end the post with something fun I did last week.


^^ Shakespeare On The Farm “As You Like It”


Food Truck Friday


How are you doing? I just got back from “walk to end Alzheimer’s” and it was fun! Much needed positivity before I jump into midterms. I got my face painted for the first time, ate bbq taco from food truck and got lost few times. On wednesday I went to a laughter yoga in west austin and oh my god! how did I not know about this? So much fun!

I really really wanted to try some more mediterranean place so yesterday we looked up mediterranean food place on yelp and decided to try aimee’s super fantazmo. After we ordered our food my partner in crime pointed out at the cheesecake food truck and said “maybe they will have coffee flavored cheesecake!” I hope you know me well enough to understand any coffee dessert and me is kind of inseparable. I didn’t think there will be a coffee flavored cheesecake but out of three cheescake options one of them were mocha cheesecake (I KNOW!!!!!!) We had dessert before we had our dinner.

  We were still pretty hungry so when we got served our food, we jumped into it like a fat kid in mcDonalds. It was delicious. I couldn’t finish the mixed rice plate so I brought it home with me and had a second dinner. (what? you guys don’t have second dinners? you are cray cray!)

The pictures don’t do justice but there were so much food and so much protein. For the first time in my life I hoped for just a little bit less food so I could mix them together without dropping  food everywhere.

We then saw this ^^.

Tis the season to be basic is all I have to say. Anything pumpkin has gone basic for me (not pumpkin pie.) I expected guys in their skinny jeans and J crew sweater with perfectly placed beanie holding these but there weren’t that many people. I took one sip of it and it tasted plain nasty. Never liked alcohol anyway but others who did like it didn’t enjoy it either.
 This is an attempt to recreate buzzfeed’s BTS cake. It didn’t turn out to be as tasty… but again, nothing can be less tasty if you put oreos, cookie dough and brownie batter.


Quick, Easy and Delicious Breakfast


Breakfast became a luxury for me since I started school. I drag myself out of bed around 7 in the morning to go to work by 7:30. If I am fortunate enough to pull myself out of the bed right when my alarm goes off, I will go to the Einstein Bros to get me a morning coffee. I used to be a big fan of their blueberry bagel with honey almond spread but lately I am not craving it as much and if I am not craving something as much I don’t see the point of taking in extra calories. On my way back from work sometimes I will grab a breakfast burrito and go straight to class. After class I will get home and eat everything inside of the burrito and throw away the tortilla.

I recently purchased a microwavable egg maker. It’s similar to making egg in a mug. But this is absolutely adorable and keeps the inside very moist rather than drying it out and sticking to the inside wall. I had bought frozen fajita veggies last week and I decided to saute them in the pan to give a little crunch. Then I put  2 beaten eggs in the egg maker and the fajitas. Covered them and cooked for 1 minute and then again 30 seconds. It came out perfect.


Recently someone introduced me to french toast. Well I always knew they existed but never really wanted to try them. My first attempt was to cook them at home. I used Texas Toast and soaked them for a little longer so they came out mushy. I would rather have a mushy sweet bread than tasting plain bread but some might disagree and argue that’s not french toast. On sunday when I got back to my dorm from Austin I bought some very cheap round top bread from heb, eggs and a small vanilla mocha coffee creamer. I know you are supposed to use milk but trust me on this one. Then I did what you are supposed to do. Mix egg and creamer (or milk if you are boring) and dipped my bread into it and fried them. I forgot to grab a syrup or honey so I ended up eating it by itself. But it was already very sweet from the creamer, didn’t even need a syrup. I highly recommend you trying out french toast with creamer than milk. I haven’t tried it out with coconut creamer or soy creamer so can’t tell you anything about them but if you decide to try, let me know!


So there you have it my fancy easy and quick breakfast that I will most likely be eating during 7pm instead of 7am.