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I am very tired lately

 
The best way to win an argument is not to have one. We don’t earn a big trophy saying we won an argument and I am really interested in knowing how many times in internet history someone had a huge argument with people they didn’t know and at the end they said “You are right” and acknowledged their defeat. I bet the percentage is very small. The thing is that I know; I know people who loves to be rude or say something just for the sake of sounding smart will never agree with whatever the hell you are trying to prove. I know that. I know that often times they will end up taking the argument to a different direction or talk about how you look, talk about how funny your name is, talk about your religion, nationality. I mean, I did study the fallacies of argument, but someone who clearly picks out a thing just to be nasty doesn’t care about that. I thought this break would be wonderful. I would sink into my bed and read all the books that I have acquired (I counted, I have yet to read 23 books that’s currently in my bedroom)

I ended up being on social media most of the time. I found myself crying over the refugee stories posted on Humans Of New York and strangely found myself arguing over people who thinks Muslims are terrorists or how bad the religion is. The thing is I am not a super religious person and I am not going to claim myself to be a 100% pure Muslim. But what I do know is that there are different measure of extreme in this religion. According to my family and a 80% of Muslim population that I know a religious person would be modest, they would not raise their voice, they will be lovable, they will not gossip, they will say prayers, they will cover themselves properly and so on. While I agree the Muslim dominant countries are very corrupted I also would like to point out that “religion” is the most effective weapon of all. Government in those countries knows the easiest way to take control over people is the fear of going to hell. Prestige and respect is a huge thing in Islam and the Islamic rulers takes advantage of it (Not just Islam though, many religious leaders). I remember my dad arguing with one of his childhood friends on our dining table over Bangladesh government. Bangladesh is corrupted. The uncle (My dad’s childhood friend, I called him uncle) said “well the Islamic party should have taken control over it” and my dad replied, “You mean, the people who killed and raped thousands of people, helped Pakistani army to kill Bengali soldier during the independence war?” Uncle replied, “we would be much better off if we were part of Pakistan”

I could tell you all about what is wrong with his argument, but what is important is that he is blinded by the religious accessories they put on top of government. The person running for Islamic party had a slogan that said “if you want tickets for heaven, vote me.” I will let you decide how stupid that statement is and how exactly they manipulate poor and helpless people. My point of this post is not to defend any of them. My point is, the more we argue the more chaos we make. It seems like everybody is on a mission to sound smarter than the next person, to be better than the next person. “My religion is better than yours,” “my race is better than yours” and I am tired of this. What do I earn from pointing out a stupid, irrelevant topic on a cute video of a cat playing. Why can we not enjoy things, but rather want to be the center of attention and point out, a completely different thing to compare. Why can I not listen to Taylor Swift but also have to argue how Beyonce is so much better in her album and much better celebrity. I mean she probably is but why is that relevant in Taylor’s music video? Why in a civil right’s post some white person gets offended for not having the center of attention? Why people compare Bible and Quran when Bible had the luxury to change with time and Quran didn’t? Why do I have to constantly prove how “american” I am when I am paying my way through college and you get to enjoy unemployment benefit, child benefit selling weed. I do not care how you make your money, but I would care if you blame me for your problem. If you blame me for risking your luxury.

Anyway enough of my rant. I do not want to end this post with such heavy words. I am just a little bit of sad because I cancelled my study abroad trip to Cambodia. It was a very hard decision. After careful consideration, I realized instead of spending so much money on a month of study abroad, I could take two summer classes that will reduce me one semester and it will free up my next summer when I will finally be able to travel somewhere and volunteer without the pressure of study.

The only cool thing I have done in this break is going to the trail of lights. I also came home to jilapis (also known as jalebi) and I used my last dining dollars on chocolate croissant.

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Shredded Garlic

Happy Turkey Day! Hope you had an amazing, tummy stuffing holiday. For me, I came home from work with a fever and terrible unknown back pain. I feel very bad for thanksgiving for some reason this American holiday seems a little cursed apart from the tragic event that led to this holiday but also how this holiday is right before finals and do we need to talk about black Friday? Not judging you for getting that thing you got waiting in that long line, because I totally did too. My mother had been crying for a toaster oven because it’s energy efficient plus she hates how every time she has to take out all the pots and pan she stores there (Have I mentioned how smart she is about every little household things, or is it normal?)

So we went to Walmart and jcpenney to get a toaster oven and I also got a slow cooker. While I was waiting in the line, I was thinking how good it feels to have the financial freedom to want something to buy? (Not literally buying, because come on now! My dad never gave me a small loan of 1 million dollars) but knowing I could dream about it makes me feel a lot better.

I remember growing up not having any choice over what I wanted. My parents have always been very big on saving money, so instead of cheaply made sparkly hot pink backpack I had a camouflage backpack, which would hide the dirt. Mind you, I was not in Texas so that did not make me really happy. My parents told me the sparkly ones break in a few months and sure they did, but I thought that was a good thing, I mean they get to buy a new one with extra cool stuff and they did too. My dad has always been smart about making purchasing decisions, my mom? Sorta… sometimes it’s hard to argue with her when she is set on going to the other Walmart 25 minutes away because they might have the 3$ cheaper toaster oven. She also sucks just a little with American cooking; After discussing for two and a half day we settled on instead of me wanting to cook a whole turkey, I will cook a whole chicken and she can cut the turkey to make curry. I brought all the things needed to cook my herb lemon garlic-y chicken.

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^^ Okay I know that’s not the prettiest looking chicken, but trust me it smelled good and I blame the knife to for not being able to chop the herbs finely. I stuck half of a lemon and some garlic cloves inside too.

After baking it, I put it on top of the counter and went back to my bedroom to read “the curious incident of the dog in the night-time” (Pretty hooked) and I fell asleep.

I woke up to find very well shredded chicken on the table and my baked chicken was nowhere to be found. Turns out my mother had taken the extra step to lower my workload. I was pretty upset for not being able to take a nice picture, but maybe was more upset to find whole garlic cloves in my bite. I asked her, “Did you take out the stuff from inside the chicken?”
“Well, I made a salad with the leaves (herbs) and squeezed the lemon juice on top”

[rolls eyes] “and what about the garlic cloves?”

“What? I didn’t see any”

The cloves were juicy and blended with shredded chicken. I tried my best to pick them out.

Oh! Forgot to mention! I got a french press and coffee grinder, my room smells pretty divine now 🙂

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Confession Of a Foodaholic

Last night while I was having my second dinner of the night, I was thinking who was I supposed to become? 

I was supposed to be this girl who in a dinner party would nod right to left and say in a cutesy way “oh no thank you! I am stuffed” 

But I find myself more often walking around the kitchen shamelessly and sometime aimlessly after dinner and asking “ummm… Is there any snacks?”

Don’t get me wrong I do like to think I will become healthy eater. One day I will find salad delicious. I will find a favorite vegetable that I can’t live a single day without. I will feel sick by the thought of having rice more than once a day. I love to think I will become one of those some day. 

But in the mean time I find myself sadly looking at the empty plate and thinking how awfully good it would look with some delicious Mediterranean rice and kebab or maybe some fried rice? Mmm carne asadas sounds good too! 

I just wish my so much of a big appetite could somehow be related to having awesome cookery skill. But it haven’t so I find myself on top of china hill eating chicken fried steak soaked on orange sauce  

 

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Cleveland Friend

  In my philosophy class today we talked about an interesting topic called “Cleveland Friend”. That’s a friend you get when you are in Cleveland. You are in Cleveland and you are in trouble, do you have a friend you call who will get on the plane to help you as soon as they hear you are in trouble? 

I am not talking about significant other but a friend who you do not owe money or who is not there to get any help from you. Do you have a friend like that? I do not. 

It’s sad. But at the same time, are you a Cleveland friend to someone? Will you do that for someone at any cost? Would I do that? 

Maybe. 

This week is rather depressing. Finals are coming up faster than I hoped. The weather has been crazy it seems like  there’s a flood alert every weekend from now on and I just want to crawl into a bed and read all the books that I got. I can’t start reading them because they feel like a commitment and if I start reading it you bet I won’t be studying for my physics test.

I am also very excited about my study abroad to Cambodia. I know it’s like 8 months away but how do you sleep when all you are thinking about “I am going to travel to a new place! Eat different food! Experience a new culture” 

The only scary part is that I just broke my savings to pay off all my credit card debt. As of right now I have no debt other than student loan. I am going to have to pay 700$ for my car insurance next week. (I pay it once for the whole year to save money ) it’s least likely I will be able to save up for my trip. My estimated budget is about $5000 to have a comfortable trip. I am hoping for scholarships to atleast have some of it paid off. Just a bit stressed out about how to pay it without being in debt since I am also getting my own apartment next year.  I hope it works out. I was planning on working on some side jobs but they seem very time consuming. I wish I was good enough writer to earn money through writing blog or creative.

Hope your week is going well.

 

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Life can sometimes make you very very vey unhappy

Do you wake up one day and remember something happened a long time ago and it makes you feel very angry and just wants to make you go back and punch that person on the face? It’s probably been too long and no need for you to do that but you just can’t let that go from your mind no matter how hard you try? Well that happened to me today. I was already stressed about two tests coming up on same day. I had a very long 12 hours shift and it was also a game day plus weekend, so we stayed busy the whole time. I was tired. Out of nowhere I started crying like a crazy person. I miss myself. I can’t remember the last time I was jumping up and down excited, or cried my eyes out because I felt loved and happy. I am not saying I am not loved. I know I am loved, I know I am happy. But sometimes… sometimes everything seems to go wrong. You come across people who constantly put you down for no apparent reason and you can’t seem to figure why do they not like you. You come across people who loves pushing words on you to show their authority or to sound smart.

I remember the girl I used to be. I used to go to the rooftop of our 5th story apartment building and look at the ocean. I used to sing songs to the crows and imagined that they probably would discuss “the funny human creature” they saw today during dinner conversation. I remember the girl who would call and hang up purposely to her friend when the favorite song would come up on the radio. Because, phone calls and text messages were too expensive.

I remember in winter we would go visit my grandma’s house and everyone would make vapa pitha (also known as idli, it’s a steamed snack that’s made with rice flour and sometimes coconut and palm sugar stuffing) If we were lucky we would also have fresh palm syrup.

Then I come back to reality. I have to make enough money to get by, to save up for an apartment, to save up for some kind of emergency accident and also paying off student loan, make sure I keep my grades up otherwise everything else is wrong. I kind of enjoy the stress and business that comes with it but sometimes I get tired. I am always expected to keep doing something. I am way behind as far being social goes, I haven’t had time to explore the inner adventure self of mine yet. I am just waiting for this coming month to be over and go home for winter break.

I didn’t want to mask my sadness because everyone has bad days but to end the post with something fun I did last week.

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^^ Shakespeare On The Farm “As You Like It”

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Food Truck Friday

Hellooo!

How are you doing? I just got back from “walk to end Alzheimer’s” and it was fun! Much needed positivity before I jump into midterms. I got my face painted for the first time, ate bbq taco from food truck and got lost few times. On wednesday I went to a laughter yoga in west austin and oh my god! how did I not know about this? So much fun!

I really really wanted to try some more mediterranean place so yesterday we looked up mediterranean food place on yelp and decided to try aimee’s super fantazmo. After we ordered our food my partner in crime pointed out at the cheesecake food truck and said “maybe they will have coffee flavored cheesecake!” I hope you know me well enough to understand any coffee dessert and me is kind of inseparable. I didn’t think there will be a coffee flavored cheesecake but out of three cheescake options one of them were mocha cheesecake (I KNOW!!!!!!) We had dessert before we had our dinner.
  

  We were still pretty hungry so when we got served our food, we jumped into it like a fat kid in mcDonalds. It was delicious. I couldn’t finish the mixed rice plate so I brought it home with me and had a second dinner. (what? you guys don’t have second dinners? you are cray cray!)
  

The pictures don’t do justice but there were so much food and so much protein. For the first time in my life I hoped for just a little bit less food so I could mix them together without dropping  food everywhere.

We then saw this ^^.

Tis the season to be basic is all I have to say. Anything pumpkin has gone basic for me (not pumpkin pie.) I expected guys in their skinny jeans and J crew sweater with perfectly placed beanie holding these but there weren’t that many people. I took one sip of it and it tasted plain nasty. Never liked alcohol anyway but others who did like it didn’t enjoy it either.
 This is an attempt to recreate buzzfeed’s BTS cake. It didn’t turn out to be as tasty… but again, nothing can be less tasty if you put oreos, cookie dough and brownie batter.

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Quick, Easy and Delicious Breakfast

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Breakfast became a luxury for me since I started school. I drag myself out of bed around 7 in the morning to go to work by 7:30. If I am fortunate enough to pull myself out of the bed right when my alarm goes off, I will go to the Einstein Bros to get me a morning coffee. I used to be a big fan of their blueberry bagel with honey almond spread but lately I am not craving it as much and if I am not craving something as much I don’t see the point of taking in extra calories. On my way back from work sometimes I will grab a breakfast burrito and go straight to class. After class I will get home and eat everything inside of the burrito and throw away the tortilla.

I recently purchased a microwavable egg maker. It’s similar to making egg in a mug. But this is absolutely adorable and keeps the inside very moist rather than drying it out and sticking to the inside wall. I had bought frozen fajita veggies last week and I decided to saute them in the pan to give a little crunch. Then I put  2 beaten eggs in the egg maker and the fajitas. Covered them and cooked for 1 minute and then again 30 seconds. It came out perfect.

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Recently someone introduced me to french toast. Well I always knew they existed but never really wanted to try them. My first attempt was to cook them at home. I used Texas Toast and soaked them for a little longer so they came out mushy. I would rather have a mushy sweet bread than tasting plain bread but some might disagree and argue that’s not french toast. On sunday when I got back to my dorm from Austin I bought some very cheap round top bread from heb, eggs and a small vanilla mocha coffee creamer. I know you are supposed to use milk but trust me on this one. Then I did what you are supposed to do. Mix egg and creamer (or milk if you are boring) and dipped my bread into it and fried them. I forgot to grab a syrup or honey so I ended up eating it by itself. But it was already very sweet from the creamer, didn’t even need a syrup. I highly recommend you trying out french toast with creamer than milk. I haven’t tried it out with coconut creamer or soy creamer so can’t tell you anything about them but if you decide to try, let me know!

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So there you have it my fancy easy and quick breakfast that I will most likely be eating during 7pm instead of 7am.

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Camping at Meridian


So do you remember last time I told you that I plan on camping at all the state parks in Texas? Well I figured I gotta get moving with that list since Texas isn’t tiny. Our plan was to go to mustang state island which is right by the beach. The weather has been sunny and cold at night so it seemed like a perfect time. But just the day before we found out there’s a red tide and I don’t know about you, but I definitely wouldn’t like to spend my day off with dead fish. We hurried to find another campsite that’s not way too far. After few hours of searching we settled on Meridian state park. Most parks were reserved already.

We didn’t organize  our camping stuff very well. So we bought some chips, salsa, bananas, batteries for lantern, water, travel size shampoo and a rotassire chicken. We couldn’t find our lantern+fan but figured it was in our car and we rolled with it. We still had few travel size toiletteries from last time so that worked out. The ride was pretty pleasant other than a weird 30 minutes of heavy rain and a full stop traffic in the middle of the road for construction. My gps had few minor difficulties. I lost my phone signal completely as soon we got to meridian. We camped near the corner but we didn’t have as much privacy as McKinney falls. We opened up our instant tent and found our lantern inside lit up!! Seriously, it’s been more than a month and I was quite surprise that the battery was still going strong. We changed the battery out to turn the fan on but the fan gave up on us

   luckily, it wasn’t hot and humid and towards the end of the night we actually got pretty cold. This time we didn’t take our air mattress and got ourself some sleeping bags. They were pretty cheap ones so it wasn’t as cushiony as I would like it to be. Next time we would have to get some sleeping pad and lots of blankets. We slept pretty good that night.
The park itself is pretty small. It’s great for fishing and kayaking. We talked about getting kayak boats although I don’t see it happening soon since none of our car is too big and it’s very less likely we will be back at this park again. It’s a decent park but not great enough to travel about 2hrs and 30 minutes to camp when we could find something new.

  
  

  
 We went for a small hike to the scenic overview on the very same day. It was beautiful. The next morning after we woke up we went for a full hike and hiked about 2.6 miles. On our way we saw a huge snake family which was a bit scary. Good thing we didn’t see them the day before. Sleeping at night would’ve been a torture. On our way back we stopped by a place called “burger and wok.” We went inside and failed to see the Chinese menu part of it. It was taken off for some reason. So we got ourself fritto pie and burgers and  coffe icecream and double dragon( tso chicken and sweet n sour chicken) to go (icecream had the flavor but it had a bits of little chewy chunky things, sort of if you tried to make a dough and the starch didn’t mix well , that kind) other foods were okay.



  
The next day was Saturday and Austin was having their pecan street festival. We took a bus to downtown to see it.

  
 We got ourself funnel cake (delicious!!) we didn’t buy anything and just walked around. We ended up walking from 6th street to Barton spring road and went to sandys to get icecream.

  
We got back from the festival tired and happy. It was a happy weekend.

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Am I independent yet?

12030871_926264830752390_1273780131_nI wanted to become independent for a very long time. It all started when I wanted to go out to play at 3pm outside and my mom locked the door and little me couldn’t reach it, when I really really wanted to buy some candy but my mom wouldn’t let me get it, when I really wanted to buy that decorative vase and my dad said it’s unnecessary. Few years ago when I finally started to getting my paychecks to my own bank account I thought I was independent. I thought I can handle it all, after all I have been preparing for last 10 or so years. But I confused myself. Independent is when you have the option to choose and you make a reasonable decision not being able to afford everything you want because you will never have them all. Our want never ends.

In my past relationship, I thought I was very independent and responsible but actually I was dependent on him to make the right decisions. I forced all my energy into making him understand the value of making good decision, value of whatever the hell I liked. My happiness dependent on his wish and choices. Now there can be pages and pages about how two people need to come together to keep each other happy but regardless we need to be able to tweak the picture of the future we imagine to fit our situation. Not trying our best to keep it as original because I will never be able to live my life traveling or shop in whole foods or try out all the food trucks here, but what I can do is be happy with going for a late night walk by myself or with someone, feel comfortable walking into a food place and not order it “to go”.

I am at that part of my life where things are just how they are. I don’t jump up and down with over excitement or cry out loud for something I had been waiting for. I finally realized that there’s no point of blaming everybody else for my sorrow when I am the one isn’t happy with myself. I am not depressed at all, but I kept looking for excuses that prevented me from being happy while I could  just forget about them and try to find what makes me happy. I don’t need to be right in everyone’s eyes, I don’t need to let them know how I don’t agree with their view points and I certainly don’t need to be upset over someone’s comment when I know it’s not true. I don’t need to justify my stand to anyone and if I do need to justify my position or proof why I am allowing myself to think that way then I probably shouldn’t even be with them for any reason. I want to be independent.

If you are confused by this totally random post then know, they are just thoughts. I am pretty content with my life at this point. I talk to my mom every day and tell her how my day is going, I force Trevor to take me out to get some bubble tea, I look up things to get for my future apartment. I think about traveling somewhere and maybe move outside of United States. I just needed to make sure I take a step back and rethink the way I view life.

If you are struggling with negativity around you or maybe just a little upset or even tired of things happening around you, know that it’s not you responsibility to fix it. The only responsibility you have is to keep yourself happy and take care of your love. Don’t overwhelm yourself by giving all of you to the people you love (parents, significant others, kids) They will be happy when they see you are happy. You unknowingly transfer your worries to the people you love when you stress out. It’s okay to feel lost and not satisfy every single need. Your happiness only depends on you.

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Song That I am Listening to..

I wish I could do better by you,
Cos that’s what you deserve.
You sacrifice so much of your life,
In order for this to work.

While I’m off chasing my own dreams,
Sailing around the world,
Please know that I’m yours to keep,
My beautiful girl.

And when you cry a piece of my heart dies,
Knowing that I may have been the cause,
If you were to leave, fulfill someone elses dreams,
I think I might totally be lost.

But you don’t ask for no diamond rings,
No delicate string of pearls,
That’s why I wrote this song to sing,
My beautiful girl

xo

This is such a sweet and romantic song! When I first heard it I didn’t pay much attention to the lyrics but when I did it’s even more beautiful.